Happy Heavenly Birthday + A Note to Grieving Mothers After a Miscarriage or Stillbirth

Earlier this month was our sweet baby boy’s first birthday in heaven. I really can’t believe it’s already been a year… the shortest, yet longest year of my life, for many reasons.

Though we never got to bring him home, have him wear all the “little brother” shirts we had gotten for him, or snuggle on the couch as a family, we will forever hold him in our hearts and we can smile knowing he is beyond happy in heaven.

I’ll be totally honest, the weeks surrounding his birthday left me emotionally drained. Continue reading

Maintaining a Grateful Heart

With so much to be grateful for, how is it that sometimes I/me/we struggle to find things to be grateful for? You know, the type of heartfelt thanks that goes beyond the “thank you for the food I’m eating, the roof over my head, the clothes on my back” type thing.

We get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life – school, work, marriage, kids, a messy house, a traveling spouse, a big move, what have you – the challenges of the day seem to always get the better of us. Then, often times life happens. A huge change, something tragic, horrifying, “how could God let this happen” type thing and finding joy and gratitude seems literally impossible – even WRONG sometimes.  Continue reading

Words of the New Year

I’m a total sucker for New Years Resolutions. I’m a natural-born list maker so this makes total sense. But really, I love the excuse for a fresh start, even if it’s just another day or another page on a calendar.

As I get older, and busier, I have adopted a different “resolution” method. Instead of specifics like traveling more, working out every day of the week or promising myself I am not going to eat so much chocolate and wine (who am I kidding) – I have started to pick words or phrases at the recommendation of several smart people 😉   Continue reading

Pregnancy After Loss // Expecting Our Rainbow Baby

As I’m sitting here in complete awe, wonder, and insanely deep gratitude for the new life growing inside of me, I often reflect on the events that brought me here with my growing rainbow baby. After losing our son Michael last year, I experienced a whirlwind of emotions – many of which were so ugly and scary my heart literally aches when I think about it or imagine another mother in the same situation. Nevertheless, even with all the ugly, so much beauty and growth came from that time in my life. Continue reading

A Reflection On Motherhood

As a young mom of a toddler and an angel baby in heaven, I am fully in the trenches of my journey though motherhood. Though my heart is still raw from the loss of my son just 4 weeks ago, it’s this raw state that has given me the ability to feel so deeply and come to this understanding about motherhood – that motherhood is the best, worst, best thing that has ever happened to me. Continue reading

When Hello Means Goodbye – Surviving a Stillbirth

As I looked through my drafts of post ideas, I saw my “Baby Bumpdate” post sitting in the queue… as I stared at the title I realized something… when I was pregnant and my baby was alive and healthy, I had no problem happily posting “bump pics” and sweet little taglines on how much we loved him, how excited we were to meet him, how we couldn’t wait for him to join our crazy family. He was real. He was my son. We dreamed of his future, how he was going to be my little buddy, how he was going to love cars and hockey just like his dad, and how he was going to be just what our spunky little Gianna needed. I was going to have 2 babies under 2 for a few weeks… oh, I was so ready for the challenge! However, sometimes life plays out a lot different than you imagined. Continue reading

Have Child – Be Humbled

It was pride that changed angels into devils; it is humility that makes men as angels.
-Saint Augustine

So I am convinced I have one of the loudest little people in all existence. For being so tiny she sure has a set of lungs… and no shortage of attitude.

A couple of weekends ago we (rather unexpectedly) bought a car – hello new mom car! If you have ever purchased a car, particularly from a dealership, you know it is NOT a short venture. G was great! By “great” I mean in the typical active kid sense – like not sitting in your lap nicely flipping through a book, eating fruit snacks – that only lasts about 2 min max with her – a movie on the phone or iPad – maybe 10 min.  Thank God I had packed loads of snacks and stickers, but I think I went through 22 styrofoam cups, 18 coffee straws, 5 accessory brochures, (thank you Honda) Continue reading

Dear Mystery Man

I struggled with whether or not to post this story or not, but decided to go ahead. This is a little more “personal” in my opinion than I normally like to go online, but I just had to share how important this moment was for me.

As most of you know, my husband is a LEO, which means crappy work hours…. kidding, but no seriously. A lot of times the only way we get to see him is if we meet him at work for a meal, or a quick “oh heeeeyyyy” while running my errands and he’s in between calls, or if he meets us at the park in the city. Continue reading