A broken heart and a lesson learned

Yesterday was a “typical” rainy Sunday morning. The groggy goggles were on full fog, the hubby was long gone at work and I was running (slowly yet frantically) around trying to get ready for church and avoid wearing the exact same outfit I had on yesterday. (Dear fashionable IG moms, thanks for the pressure.) Reheated pancakes for breakfast, the dog needing to be let out and fed, I stuck her in her exerciser while I rushed about taking care of last minute things, showering and attempting the long loose curl look on my unloved-for-months hair (overkill)… seemingly out of nowhere all hell broke loose. Oh cue the drama, the crocodile tears, the melting baby act. Out of nowhere! I continued rushing, hoping she would let me gather the last bit things I needed. No. I held her (knowing we needed to go to make this church service) and she cried, looked at me and made the sign for “milk” (something that I’d been working with her for months before she slowly started to wean herself). *side note* I wanted the weaning process to be natural and really the timing dictated by her… I loved BF and when she was around 8 months she went on a 3-4 day nursing strike where she didn’t nurse at ALL and only bit me when I offered it to her. Not ever having experienced that before, it felt like my heart had been torn into a million pieces… I wasn’t ready for it yet! We did work through it, and she continued to nurse. Now at 14 months she only nurses at most in the morning and the evening. But today, when she looked at me through her tears and signed “milk” my heart broke for another reason. In her determination to grow up, she is still my little baby. Her tears dried up and she patted my chest and held her hand up to my lips for me to kiss it like she always does. Her whole body smiled, she relaxed and just laid in her mommy’s arms. I’ll never forgot that.

We missed that church service by the way. I just thought, slow down J. Let her be little. Sometimes we have the opportunity to take things slower than we do, and we miss out on the little moments in life that end up being incredibly special. We force our kids to grow up and behave or move just as quickly as us and get frustrated when they can’t keep up all the time. We ended up going to a later Church service, which she was SO good at… she sat in my lap in the pew, ate snacks, read books, and snuggled in my arms. I felt like our bonding time earlier really connected us and reset the tone for the day. I’m grateful I had the opportunity to do that, I recognize that sometimes we can’t stop our day or miss events, but when we do have that opportunity I want to make sure I stay flexible and not miss out on those special times.

lessons in motherhood

God always gives you what you need, right now. He knew I needed that reminder, he knew I needed that little heartbreak, he knew I needed that day-changing bonding time. God is good.

xox – J

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